Have you ever given something to someone and then at some point wondered if your gift to them helped them or hurt them? We humans want to help other people because it makes us feel good, needed, and maybe important. But if the end result is negative, then was your giving actually unwise?
There are always people at intersections who ask for “help” or “donations.” There are many charitable organizations that provide food, housing, assistance and resources for all kinds of various things. I always wonder if the people on the street go to these places for help or do they use the gifts for drugs or alcohol or other unhelpful things. You generally will never know either way. So you are taking a chance.
If you make a donation to a food bank or other reputable charity, there is a higher likelihood of your donation helping a greater number of people. When you donate to an individual you actually see who you are helping. There are people who give handouts in all situations, thinking that if the person is that desperate to be asking in the first place, then they really need the help.
Sometimes you see a person who does not ask for help but is clearly struggling. On occasion and in public places, I have talked to some people to find out their story. Everyone has a story. Sometimes there was a confluence of unfortunate events that created a tough, but temporary problem for that person. They seem like a good person and have a strength of character and so you believe that they will work their way out of it. In that case your positive words or food or monetary gift could really raise their spirit and help them.
But what if a friend or family member asks to borrow money or an asset of yours of some kind? Their need may be legitimate and understandable. But the problem in loaning money or anything to someone is that your relationship with them changes from being a friend/relative to a lender/borrower. The lender, whether they intend to or not, from then on judges the other person for their actions or inactions, or the way they live their life, always wondering, “when do I get my money back or are they taking care of my asset?” The lender may legitimately wonder if the borrower appreciates the gift, especially if the borrower does not take care of the asset, use it wisely, or express gratitude to the lender.
Another consideration is whether you loaning money (illustrative for these purposes) actually helps or hurts the borrower. For example, are they in a jam because they did not discipline themselves financially or spent money unwisely? Did they make bad life decisions? Will they learn what they need to in order to solve their issues or not because you bailed them out? So your question to yourself is “Am I enabling them?” “Am I really helping them?”
The silver lining is that you have the ability to help in a wide variety of situations and ways. And your heart is in the right place because you want to help. But even more than that, we as humans want to do the right thing in life as best that we can. And to do that, we need to stop and think about the situation and ask yourself, is my giving wise? And so we make the best decision we can and move on, because that is life.
Finding the good in all things…
Celeste
Silver Lining Musings by Celeste 